This is a good read for someone in the middle of a life transition. As a newly graduated college student with a Bachelorette Degree, moving out of the university setting and into the ‘real world’ Stella’s ability to handle life’s unexpected turns and twists is motivating and inspiring. Terry McMillan wrote this book in order to remind us that no matter what age we are or how far we think we are in life, we can still change directions. Feeling stuck is only a lie we allow ourselves to believe.
McMillian’s writing style is poetic to say the least, sneaking words of wisdom though rants and humor, she makes the protagonists’ thoughts melt into our minds like a conversation. Some passages read out loud even have their own rhythm, like a melodic tone dancing though the syllables.
“Stop passing judgment on people who aren’t afraid to improvise, who aren’t living by a prescription that fits your little Miss Muffet Image, because if you don’t you going to end up the mother of your husband’s children who spent their wonder years at home making curtains baking cookies and carpooling and then at fifty you’ll be trying to remember what else you used to do before the kids before the husband and why didn’t I ever use my fucking degree. You’ll be trying to remember what dreams you had that you put on ice when you are forced to go back out into the real world (393)”
In addition to being a book about handling life’s obstacles, McMillan also uses this novel as an opportunity to address issues like racism and cultural appropriation,
“And of course when white women imitate us they are considered ultrabeautiful…but since we are just being our black selves, what do we get? (206)”
The unusual protagonist, Stella, is a wealthy female black cybersecurity professional is also a recently divorced single mother trying to find satisfaction in her seemingly satisfactory life. McMillian uses Stella to teach us how love is supposed to feel. Black people have been taught to accept; women especially to accept a loveless life. A love life without passion or intensity because that doesn’t really exist.
Like many of us, Stella has lived for years in a life that she is happily miserable in. Our ability to adjust to unfavorable circumstances (so much so that can make ourselves and others believe that they are actually favorable) is a blessing, but we cannot let that limit our ability to perceive ourselves in a better situation and move toward that possibility. Just because we can force ourselves to work happiness out of complicity doesn’t mean that we should always comply. We need to remember this in not only our love lives but also in our professional lives, family structures and emotional well-being. There is nothing that we cannot change and there isn’t anything that we shouldn’t change accept for our commitment to love ourselves and operate in that love every day.
Unlike many may assume, Stella didn’t get her groove back by meeting a man, she got her groove back as soon as she decided to operate through her love for herself instead of through routine, perception or fear.
“My whole life could very easily change in the next few minutes, hours but as I stand here I realize that my life has already changed…I’ve discovered that there is another side you can go to, which is pure and good, that is always there waiting for you to notice, that it is free but costly to find yet once you arrive, once you get there…you find you can recover from the loss and pain and heartache that you can be repaired and renewed restored… (407)”
Have you read McMillian’s novel How Stella Got Her Groove Back? Did you read it during a transitioning period in your life? Let me know these and other thoughts.
